How to Have a Party.

company's coming, lists, questionable life advice, Uncategorized

With the Holiday Season upon us, many of us need party advice. So much to think about! Themes! Games! Food!

Whatever shall we do?

Follow these easy steps:

  1. “Avoid Sundays, if possible. Sundays attract relatives.”
  2. Great themes for a kids’ party:

Columbus Day- Celebrate colonialism, together!

Creatures of the Sea-Hey, kids, who wants to see my Snaggletooth? Or a Sarcastic Fringehead?

“Oriental”-It’s based on the entire East half of the whole world!

Cowboy and Indian-Guns! guns! guuuuns!

Hobo-Generally what they call all parties based on hot dogs.

Winter Sports-Yes, I’ll take 20 kids who aren’t mine onto an icy surface and hope no litigation follows.

Mothers and Dolls-Just yuck.

Backwards Party-It’s just, like, really low-budget so leave me alone.

3. And games, who likes games?

Pin the Cow in the bed- Requires A LOT of adult supervision.

Pig Race-This is for people with a really, really big yard.

Cotton Ball Toss-And this is for people with a LOT of time to fill.

Beans aplenty!-So, you just have a lot of beans. That’s the game.

Feel it!-There is so much potential for this to get weird.

Crazy auction-It’s crazy!

“Creative” activity-Thanks, Madge. I’ll make a note of that.

Rotative games-For miniature accountants.

Advertising Slogans hunt-Corporations own you, kids.

Burglary-Combine your kid’s party with a little money-makin’ side job!

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Ode to Foods Men Like

poetry, questionable life advice, Uncategorized

A (mostly) found Sonnet.

Octave:

An Olive cheese ball,

Lobster dip elegante–

Hot cheese dip with fruit.

Tidbits to tempt you-

Chicken cheese puff, hot ham buns-

French fried Camembert.

Keyed to a man’s taste,

Rates high with men.

Sestet:

It’s hard to beat cold cuts.

Remember, when cheese is melted, it’s cooked.

Versatile tuna is the star.

Our star here is fish.

What, really, IS a star, anyway?

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To-do list:

lists, pie, questionable life advice, Uncategorized

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To do.

-Butter slices of tiny icebox rye.

-Wrap piece of bacon around canned pineapple chunk.

-Cut out rounds of cheese to fit toast.

-Fill puffs.

-Empty one can shoestring potatoes into a shallow baking dish.

-Snip meat in fine pieces.

-Trim with pimento cutouts.

-Turn shake into a soup-nog.

-Run tines of fork down cucumber.

-Stir before ladling.

-moisten with mayonnaise.

-Add roll tops; anchor with picks.

-Fold dough over prune.

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